5 Steps for Adding More Emotional Intelligence in Emails

Updated: Aug 6

This post contains affiliate links at the end. For more information, see my disclosure here.

Let's face it.

Some workplaces value IQ and/or work experience over EQ and that is a problem in today's society that can create a place for strained relationships with colleagues & customers while creating toxic work environments, leading to poor work efficiency because schools in general don't teach people skills.

Luckily for you, I've decided to create a guide that solely focuses on applying emotional intelligence in your emails because I've read emails from customer support teams and responses from potential leads and their current mindset really shows based on how the company or individual is performing: typically slow and/or poorly.

So if you want to increase any of the following things in your emails:

  • Establish a good long-term relationship with your customer/client/lead

  • Establish a good reputation of yourself and/or company

  • Increase your leads and/or sales and retaining them while giving yourself the ability to grow and expand later on

Then you'll love how to apply these 5 steps in your next email.

Let's start improving on yourself with this guide.


Starting Off With a Small Story

I want you to imagine yourself sitting in front of your computer, opening up a reply from an e-mail you've recently sent, hoping that you got yourself a lead.

You're currently having very high exceptions for a positive response from the recipient after sending them positive information from a very reputable news source for a big project you were involved in.

"There shouldn't be any shortcomings would allow me to fail," as you thought to yourself thinking that they'll re-post the information on their website.

That all shatters after reading their response.

Instead of complimenting you for your efforts, they replied awfully negative to your email, claimed that you were completely lying about the pros of your suggestion, and blamed you for their problems.

They then decided to take it a step further by blacklisting your e-mail even though you weren't planning on e-mailing back to them again.

All that's in your mind was how angry you were at them for calling you a liar after putting so much time and effort in your free time and finally receiving good news just when you were about to give up.

But then, you think to yourself why you're spending so much time focusing on that negative energy on something you find so silly. You laugh it off instead and you move on.

This is a real story I will cover in detail later in this post as this is an example of someone who has low EQ with a fixed mindset and things that you can learn from it since you will likely encounter people like these sometime in your life.


The 5 Steps for Effectively Communicating With Emotional Intelligence in Your Emails:

1. Do Your Research on the Person You Are Contacting

There are one to four things you should be looking out for:

  • Blog posts

  • About us

  • Colors and layout of their website

  • The type of person they are (if you know who they are)

If this person or group of people don't have a website, you can skip to the last part of this section.

Blog Posts

Depending on the writer, try to see if their posts contain the following:

  • Contains only facts or information. There's lack of emotion in their words.

  • Makes you believe or view something in a certain way

  • Words that make you feel a certain way such as warmth and compassion

  • Excitement in their words and exclamation marks. May contain words such as I like this or we like that.

  • A lot of call to actions

About Us Page

You should take a look to see if it contains the following:

  • Does there seem to be a lot of facts and information?

  • Do they have a mission statement and are they trying to get you to believe in it as well?

  • Are there warm feelings to their words?

  • Is there a playful tone to their words or is there something that they like?

  • Is there a statement that gives out an action?

Colors Used for the Website

Be mindful of what colors they use since certain colors can motivate people to:

  • Feel a certain way (the yellow in the McDonalds logo)

  • Have people take a certain action or feel excitement (the red in Coca Cola logo)

  • Change your perception of trustworthiness and value (the blue logo from JPMorgan Chase Bank)

The colors used is the most important factor of determining whether you should write in formal or semi-formal.

The Type of Person They Are

You would have to determine the type of personality of the person you would expect them to have depending on the role of their job.

Do they sit in front of the desk and/or work in front of a computer all day without a lot of engagement in individual or group conversations?

Or does their job require them to talk to people with a lot of face-to-face interactions?

Perhaps it could be somewhere in between?

It really all depends on the amount of interaction and engagement with people, which does not include text based messages.

You're going to have to use a bit of empathy in this part to figure out the type of person they most likely are in terms of how they act, think, and feel before writing your email.

So What Now?

Once you've gathered all the information you've needed, it's time to determine whether you should write your email in a formal or semi-formal manner.

You can determine how you can write out your email a lot easier and even further with PCM (Process-Communication Model) which I personally use.

Unfortunately, I cannot speak more information about this due to legal reasons so I have provided links to resources from professionals at the end of this post you can use to potentially help write better emails.


2. Figure Out What Style of Language You Should Write With

There are numerous blog posts saying to always write in a formal language when writing emails.

However, that highly depends on who you are writing to.

If the blog posts you found lack a lot of emotion to it and feels cold, then you would need to get down to serious business with these type of people and write formally.

But if it does have emotion to it and the tone of the writing feels warm, it would be best to write semi-formally since it'll be a lot easier to connect with those who think the same as they do. If they use exclamation marks, you can use it too.

Once you establish a closer relationship with the person, you can start using emojis in your subjects. Just don't type anything such as brb, lol, ur. Save those for your texts with friends.

If the information you've collected contains a mixture from #1, it would be okay to go for semi-formal or if you would like to choose to play it safe, go for formal.

If you determine that it leans more towards formal rather than semi-formal and vice-versa, go with the one that is more dominant.


3. A Personalized Greeting

Depending on whether it is formal or semi-formal, use:

  • Hello [Name] (more formal)

  • Hi [Name] (semi-formal)

You're always going to need to use the name of the person, if available, if you want to establish a stronger connection with the person.

If you want to go for super formal, you can start your email with "Dear Sir/Madam" or "To whom it may concern".

But the only time I used this is when it involved contacting someone that works in an extremely important role of the government such as jury duty.

For other cases, it's definitely used a lot in spam and maybe LinkedIn messages so you definitely know why it feels weird when people say that to you in an email or message (mainly due to the type of personality you have).

After the greeting, briefly tell them your purpose and/or why you are contacting them since you want to be considerate of their time.


4. End It With a Closing

Closing your email is a necessity if you want to establish a stronger connection with people.

In general, "Best Regards" would be the best option for closing your email formally and professionally.

"Sincerely" is best used if you want to establish an extremely formal relationship with no warm feelings whatsoever. I would avoid using this if you have